argggghhhhh

I'm a pirate. Actually J is. She says "arggghhhh... I'm pirate Jovie". oh kids. So being off the meds is a little more difficult than I thought. Getting off them was suck-tastic. I felt like actual garbage for a while. And now I'm feeling all of these things that I didn't feel while I was on them. I think they are called 'emotions'. crazy, eh? yeah I know. I get a lot more frustrated WAY easier than I did before. The kids are at different stages now too. Z is crazy crawling all over the place and J likes to beat the crap out of her little sister. I really wish she would wait until Z can retaliate. Then it would be a little bit more fair. Since I'm so busy with both of them I feel like the house is going by the wayside. for reals, yo. I can't catch up on anything. I think I'll just have to accept that we are going to live in chaos for at least another year and then I can think about getting organized. Suzie Homemaker I am not. Isn't it enough that i'm supermom? B and I are a lot more testy with each other too. just over dumb stuff too. He comes home frustrated from work and then I need to make supper so I hand him the kids and we trade off trying to get stuff done but it never seems to work out so we fall into bed exhausted and we barely get to say how our day was. Praise the Lord for Wednesday nights and in-laws. maybe not seperate but together... well that is a different story. Free babysitting is a pretty beautiful thing.
My parents got remarried. weird but good. I'll write about that another day. I need to make our children clean. and send them off to bed. I really hope and pray that J doesn't decide that 5am is the right time to get up in the morning.

done like dinner

I'm done my photography class. Did I mention I was taking one? Now I'm Pro. The weather is changing. Which means that everything is brown and looks like garbage. Actually it is garbage. When the snow melts you really see how disgusting people are with their litterbug habits. Seriously, Saskatchewan is WAY behind on being green. People just don't get it. grrrrr.
the point is that everything is brown and garbagey (it might be a real word) so there is not a lot of good thing to take pictures of. I think my kids are pretty sick of me sticking a camera in their face all day so I'm giving them some time off.
The Pastor's wife at my church wants me to take pictures for the powerpoint presentations and also for her family shots. I'm pretty excited about that. I mean, I'm nervous because I'm insecure about my abilities... but the fact that someone else has a smidgen of confidence in me makes me excited. My dad, my best friend and my husband have confidence in me but they love me a lot too so I'm never sure if it's because they love me so they see it throught that filter or if it's because I'm good at it. I suppose it might be a bit of both.

i rock the mic like a vandal.
seriously... watch out Joaquin ... If I could grow a beard I could kick your ass at crazy rapping.

gumdrops

so.. i'm going off zoloft. whooo!!! slowly though. Hopefully by the end of the month or halfway through the next I'll be done with it. Do NOT look on the internet about going off drugs though... that is some scary junk. It seriously freaked me out. zaps and dizzyness and nausea. oh my.
okay... so I'm starting a blog with my friend. it's called I have the microphone. It's gonna be awesome. I hope. My pictures. Her words. good times.

Snot

It seems as though my children and I have a never ending fountain of snot running out of our noses. You would think that it would run out after a while... but no.
I think it has to do with being inside all the time but maybe winter is almost over. it is -17 after all. Not too shabby for March.
suck.

jai ho

It's been a while. I've been good. Really good. I'm really tired right now but I'm happy. My girls are challenging but totally hilarious. I gave up TV for lent. I'm not Catholic but it's a cool way to focus more on God. I guess the idea is to give up something to spend more time focusing on God. So I gave up TV which, if you know me, is difficult. But I do find that I pray more which is cool. I'm also teaching myself to crochet. Well... Youtube and a book are teaching me to crochet but it still counts. I'm making dishrags for my best friend. Good times.

My dad got baptized on Sunday. I was really proud of him but really sad that I didn't get to be there to see it. I told him that when I get to heaven I'll ask God for a replay of all the things I missed.

Anyway... my eyes want to close. Tomorrow could be a busy day. They're all busy. In a weird way even if I don't really do anything... it somehow turns into a busy day.

word to your mother, yo.

forever in blue jeans

things are good. better than good. I'm pretty happy. I love my girls to bits and pieces. I can't wait to see what Z is going to grow up to be. Hopefully hilarious like her sister. I miss my family. My broken little family. But we are going to make it through Christmas and hopefully next year the pieces will start to be put back together. I'm still nursing and it's going pretty good. Z isn't the greatest eater in the world but we're making it work. She's growing so I know she's getting enough. She's just super gas-tastic. I'm praying most days. I should really take more time to read my bible but I get distracted easily. And I know that is not a good excuse but what is really?

what me worry?

so i've been trying to figure out what makes me so freaking anxious. I think it's the thought of being home alone with both girls. I've done it before and yeah I was tired but I was okay. So I don't know what my deal is. They are both really good and I'm sure I'd be fine but I think I'm just going through something in my brain and it will get resolved (soon I hope). I think my Zoloft is working a bit. I think it won't fully work for quite a few weeks but I think it is working just a tiny bit. 'cause I feel better right now. I'm not saying that won't change day to day but it's something to hold on to. I feel so blessed to have such a great support system. I believe that God is working through me to help me and draw me closer to him. I'm still nervous about what comes day to day but I feel like I'm turning the corner. God is good. He is my strength. I could not get through this with out his grace. He is faithful to me when I am not faithful to him. How wonderful...