oh happy day

I booked our flight to go to BC for Christmas... the countdown is on!!!
I'm so excited you have no idea. It's something to look forward to so it helps the days go by faster. It's nice to smile in the morning instead of cry(which is what I've done for the past two days). I've also decided to start reading my Bible again. It's strange because I've been a 'Christian' since I was little and asked Jesus into my heart but that word doesn't mean a ton to me these days. I went to Bible College and everything and I believe but I don't really practice. I mean, I don't do really bad things and I go to church almost every Sunday because my husband is the worship leader... but I've become disillusioned with Church and being a 'Christian'. I'm tired of doing things because I'm supposed to. I don't like going to Church because it's so small and there is too much attention put on me and my kids (there aren't many young couples that go there) and I feel like the church isn't how it's meant to be. I really would like to try another church but I feel like B is doing what he's supposed to be doing and he really enjoys it. But I think that they take advantage of him because they don't pay him and he does so much. That wouldn't be an issue but people have been paid for that position in the past. And he has a wife and two girls who need him. ANYWAY... I'm off topic. I just feel weird about being fake at church and I don't want to be there if my heart isn't in it. So I'm going to start reading the Bible again. I'm asking B for a half an hour or more a night to just go in my room downstairs and read and play music and last night I read a psalm and the first chapter in John. I have to start somewhere and I think that those are two good places to start. I don't want to be fake about it. It's not easy to concentrate but I'm going to try and I have faith that God will teach me something.
Today is going to be better. I got some sleep last night and I'm ready for today. Just one hour at a time... that is what will get me through.