done like dinner

I'm done my photography class. Did I mention I was taking one? Now I'm Pro. The weather is changing. Which means that everything is brown and looks like garbage. Actually it is garbage. When the snow melts you really see how disgusting people are with their litterbug habits. Seriously, Saskatchewan is WAY behind on being green. People just don't get it. grrrrr.
the point is that everything is brown and garbagey (it might be a real word) so there is not a lot of good thing to take pictures of. I think my kids are pretty sick of me sticking a camera in their face all day so I'm giving them some time off.
The Pastor's wife at my church wants me to take pictures for the powerpoint presentations and also for her family shots. I'm pretty excited about that. I mean, I'm nervous because I'm insecure about my abilities... but the fact that someone else has a smidgen of confidence in me makes me excited. My dad, my best friend and my husband have confidence in me but they love me a lot too so I'm never sure if it's because they love me so they see it throught that filter or if it's because I'm good at it. I suppose it might be a bit of both.

i rock the mic like a vandal.
seriously... watch out Joaquin ... If I could grow a beard I could kick your ass at crazy rapping.

gumdrops

so.. i'm going off zoloft. whooo!!! slowly though. Hopefully by the end of the month or halfway through the next I'll be done with it. Do NOT look on the internet about going off drugs though... that is some scary junk. It seriously freaked me out. zaps and dizzyness and nausea. oh my.
okay... so I'm starting a blog with my friend. it's called I have the microphone. It's gonna be awesome. I hope. My pictures. Her words. good times.

Snot

It seems as though my children and I have a never ending fountain of snot running out of our noses. You would think that it would run out after a while... but no.
I think it has to do with being inside all the time but maybe winter is almost over. it is -17 after all. Not too shabby for March.
suck.

jai ho

It's been a while. I've been good. Really good. I'm really tired right now but I'm happy. My girls are challenging but totally hilarious. I gave up TV for lent. I'm not Catholic but it's a cool way to focus more on God. I guess the idea is to give up something to spend more time focusing on God. So I gave up TV which, if you know me, is difficult. But I do find that I pray more which is cool. I'm also teaching myself to crochet. Well... Youtube and a book are teaching me to crochet but it still counts. I'm making dishrags for my best friend. Good times.

My dad got baptized on Sunday. I was really proud of him but really sad that I didn't get to be there to see it. I told him that when I get to heaven I'll ask God for a replay of all the things I missed.

Anyway... my eyes want to close. Tomorrow could be a busy day. They're all busy. In a weird way even if I don't really do anything... it somehow turns into a busy day.

word to your mother, yo.

forever in blue jeans

things are good. better than good. I'm pretty happy. I love my girls to bits and pieces. I can't wait to see what Z is going to grow up to be. Hopefully hilarious like her sister. I miss my family. My broken little family. But we are going to make it through Christmas and hopefully next year the pieces will start to be put back together. I'm still nursing and it's going pretty good. Z isn't the greatest eater in the world but we're making it work. She's growing so I know she's getting enough. She's just super gas-tastic. I'm praying most days. I should really take more time to read my bible but I get distracted easily. And I know that is not a good excuse but what is really?

what me worry?

so i've been trying to figure out what makes me so freaking anxious. I think it's the thought of being home alone with both girls. I've done it before and yeah I was tired but I was okay. So I don't know what my deal is. They are both really good and I'm sure I'd be fine but I think I'm just going through something in my brain and it will get resolved (soon I hope). I think my Zoloft is working a bit. I think it won't fully work for quite a few weeks but I think it is working just a tiny bit. 'cause I feel better right now. I'm not saying that won't change day to day but it's something to hold on to. I feel so blessed to have such a great support system. I believe that God is working through me to help me and draw me closer to him. I'm still nervous about what comes day to day but I feel like I'm turning the corner. God is good. He is my strength. I could not get through this with out his grace. He is faithful to me when I am not faithful to him. How wonderful...

looking upward

i can feel the prayers of my friends and family. I'm taking it one hour at a time. I have to see a psychiatrist today and i'm looking forward to that. I pray all the time and i read my bible everyday and it helps to calm me. I need the peace that only God can bring. I believe he is going to work through the medication to heal me and make me whole. I have an army of loved ones who are sending up prayer for me and i'm so thankful for them in my life. I'm trying to go for walks everyday by myself. it helps to get some fresh air and it helps to get perspective.